“My sister does not wear hijab, but she is a good person”
Someone can be strong in most things and weak in one. Hers is just the one everybody can see.
Someone says it about their sister. Someone else says it about a friend, or a cousin, or their own daughter.
“She does not wear hijab, but honestly, she is a better person than most people I know.”
Half of it is a defense. Half of it is a question: so where does that leave her?
Can you be good and still be weak in one thing?
Yes. That is nearly all of us.
Most people have one thing they find hard while the rest comes easy. Being weak in that one thing does not delete everything else.
Allah misses nothing. He says that anyone who does even an atom's weight of good will be seen, and anyone who does an atom's weight of bad will be seen too.
And the two are not counted the same. A good deed is written ten times over. A bad one is written once.
So her kindness, her honesty, her prayers, the way she looks after her parents: every bit of it is written down. What she leaves undone is between her and Allah.
Nobody stands in front of Allah with one line on their record.
Her weak spot is the one people can see
That is the only difference.
Yours is inside your phone. Or in what you say about people when they are not there. Or the money. Or the prayers you keep pushing back until the time is nearly gone.
If your weak spot was written on your clothes, people would talk about you the same way.
There is a hadith some people bring up here, that everyone is forgiven except those who sin openly (Sahih al-Bukhari 6069). Read it properly.
Nabi ﷺ was talking about a man who sinned at night. Allah covered it for him. In the morning he went and told people what he had done. That is announcing your sin. He chose to tell people. She is not telling anyone. People can just see it.
So what do you do about her?
Not what most people do.
Nabi ﷺ said a Muslim does not wrong his brother, does not humiliate him and does not look down on him. Then he pointed to his chest three times and said taqwa is here. Allah does not look at your faces or your bodies. He looks at your hearts and your deeds.
And be careful about writing anyone off. Nabi ﷺ told us about a man who said about someone else: Allah will never forgive him. Allah said: who is this, swearing about Me that I will not forgive? I have forgiven him, and I have wiped out your own good deeds.
That is how dangerous it is to decide someone else is finished.
If you cover somebody's fault instead of talking about it, Allah covers yours on the Day you will need it covered.
Does that mean hijab does not matter?
No. It is an order from Allah, in the Quran, not a cultural extra.
Allah tells believing women to draw their coverings over themselves, and tells the Prophet ﷺ to tell the women of the believers to lengthen their garments.
Her good deeds do not turn that into an option. And the fact that you also have a weak spot does not turn it into one either. Both things are true at the same time.
What she needs to do is what you need to do
Turn back to Allah.
Nabi ﷺ said every child of Adam makes mistakes, and the best of them are the ones who keep coming back.
He also said that if we did not sin, Allah would replace us with people who do sin and then ask Him for forgiveness, and He would forgive them. That is how much Allah loves to be asked.
And Allah says not to give up on His mercy, because He forgives every sin.
What to do
- Make dua for her, and do not tell her you did.
- Pick one thing you are weak in and fix it this week.
- If people start talking about her, change the subject.
- Say one good thing about her in front of the people criticizing her.
What not to do
- Do not tell her she is going to Hell.
- Do not say hijab does not matter because she is kind.
- Do not correct her in front of other people.
- Do not think your sin is smaller because nobody can see it.
One last thing
She has good deeds, and one thing she is not doing.
You have good deeds, and one thing you are not doing.
The difference is that people can see hers.
Ask Allah to help her. Ask Him to help you too.
Source: Quran 99:7-8; Quran 6:160; Sahih al-Bukhari 6069; Sahih Muslim 2564; Sahih Muslim 2621; Sahih Muslim 2590; Quran 24:31; Quran 33:59; Jami` at-Tirmidhi 2499 (hasan per al-Albani); Sahih Muslim 2749; Quran 39:53
SM
The teaching in this post comes from the Quran and the hadith listed above. I only put it in plain words. The tips on what to do and what not to do are my own advice. If you want to talk about anything in this post, write to me at salam@sunnahdaily.com.
For a ruling on your own situation, please speak to a qualified local scholar. You are welcome to email me about it as well, and I will help if I can, or point you to someone who can.