Should I spend on my family or give to charity?

Rent, school fees, a fundraiser at the masjid. What Nabi ﷺ said comes first, and why the money you spend at home counts as charity.

7 October 20267 Oct 2026 · 5 min readShare this post

There is a fundraiser at the masjid. A friend is collecting money for a water well. You want to give, and you want to give a lot.

But at home, the rent is due. Your kids need new shoes. Your wife has been asking for help with the bills for months.

So which comes first: your family, or charity?

Nabi ﷺ answered this clearly. Your family comes first. And the money you spend on them is not lost to charity. It is charity, and the best kind.

Which hand is better?

Nabi ﷺ said: the hand that gives is better than the hand that takes.

In other words, it is better to be the one who helps than the one who needs help. Islam wants you to stand on your own feet, so you can look after your family and still have something to give.

So who do you give to first?

In the same hadith, Nabi ﷺ said: start with the people you are responsible for.

That means your wife, your children, and anyone who depends on you to live. Maybe your old parents. Maybe a younger brother who is still in school.

Abu Huraira, who told this hadith, explained what it sounds like at home. Your wife says: feed me, or divorce me. Your son says: who are you leaving me to? People asked him if Nabi ﷺ said those words. He said no, they were his own.

But Nabi ﷺ did say this: it is enough of a sin for a man to neglect the people he is supposed to look after.

Is spending on your family really charity?

Yes. Nabi ﷺ said: when a man spends on his family, hoping for the reward from Allah, it counts as charity for him.

He went further. He named four ways to spend money: in Allah's path, to free a slave, on a poor person, and on your family. Then he said the biggest reward is the money you spend on your family.

So the groceries, the school fees, the electricity bill. If you pay them for Allah, they are written as charity.

The money you spend on your family is not taken from your charity. It is your best charity.

Then where should charity come from?

Nabi ﷺ said: the best charity is from what is left over, after your own needs are met.

Food, rent, clothes, the bills. Pay for those first. Then give from what is left.

This does not mean you wait until you are rich. A small amount left over is still left over. It means you do not give away the rent money and leave your children with nothing.

What about asking people for money?

Nabi ﷺ said: whoever stops himself from asking people, Allah will keep him from needing to ask. And whoever tries to stand on his own, Allah will make him able to.

He also said: it is better to take a rope, gather firewood, carry it on your back and sell it, than to ask people for money. They may give you, or they may not.

Any honest work is better than living on other people's help, if you are able to work. This is about people who can. People hit by war, disaster or real poverty are in a different place, and Allah sees what they are going through.

Is it wrong to save money for your children?

Some people think saving money means you do not trust Allah. They say: Allah will look after my children.

But in the Quran, Allah tells people to think about the weak children they would leave behind if they died, and to fear Allah because of them.

A man who was very sick once asked Nabi ﷺ if he could give all his money to charity. Nabi ﷺ said no. Half? No. A third? He said: a third, and even a third is a lot. It is better to leave your family rich than to leave them poor and asking people for help.

Allah does provide. And one of the ways He provides is through your work and your planning. Trusting Allah means you do your part, then leave the result to Him.

One last thing

Tonight, think of the people who depend on you. Your wife, your children, your parents.

Then make one intention: everything I spend on them this week is for Allah.

The same money you were already going to spend just became charity.

Source: Sahih al-Bukhari 1427; Sahih al-Bukhari 5355; Sunan Abi Dawud 1692; Sahih al-Bukhari 55; Sahih Muslim 995; Sahih Muslim 1036; Sahih al-Bukhari 1471; Quran 4:9; Sahih al-Bukhari 2742; Sahih al-Bukhari 2738

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